obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
