You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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