We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
