So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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