And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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