On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
