Will you blow on my dice?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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