so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
