Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
