Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
