then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sober January is a disaster.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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