Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
