So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
