I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
