she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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