I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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