she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize