Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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