After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
