so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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