My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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