thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
