I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
