...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
