Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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