dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
