my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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