So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
