The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
