What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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