So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
