omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
