dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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