3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
