Can Purell be used as lube?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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