Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
