I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
