if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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