i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
