i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
