Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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