I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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