the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
