I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
