He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
