I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
