I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
