This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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