I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
