someone get that fucking seahorse.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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