Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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