Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
