So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
