singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
