Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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