we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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