I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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