Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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