Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
