He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
