she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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