My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
