There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
