cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
