The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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