I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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